I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
