you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
