you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
