it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
