google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
