Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
