Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
