Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
