i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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