no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
