I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
