PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
