can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
