just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
