fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
