I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
