Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
