I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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