Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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