My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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