Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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