Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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