You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
