Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
