I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
