Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
sarcasm needs its own font
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
