i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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