she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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