i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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