Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i think i just lost a toe
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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