This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
