When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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