He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
