My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
