I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
