Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
