it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
