So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
