From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
