If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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