I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
