Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
