anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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