i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
