No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
