she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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