shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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