We won't sleep together?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
