my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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