I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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