I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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