I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
