The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
