dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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